it's about time

wow! where has the time gone?!? only time will tell i suspect. the hands on the clock keep ticking and tocking away with persistent and consistent regularity. i have discovered that we can certainly rely on the passage of time.

we can count on time.

i have also discovered that time creates a space for looking...a space for looking back and ahead...a space for reflection and anticipation. time has a spatial element to it, but the space isn't necessarily fixed. it can be fluid. in fact, one song writer would have us to believe that time is fluid: "time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future..." after all, time flies :-) and on the flip side, we are familiar with expressions such as 'frozen in time' and 'time stood still.' the point is that the hands of time can give us a place to reflect on perhaps how we'd like to 'turn back time.' conversely, it can give us a place to anticipate when the 'time is ripe.'

but, believe it or not, you can't actually 'kill time' even though that's what you tell the sales associate when you're waiting for someone or something, as if you have loads of 'spare time'...but it could be that you're 'wasting time' :-) and 'stop the clock' only implies that a timer was initiated and not that time has actually been stopped or that you can 'save time' by stopping the clock.

you get the point.

now on the side topic of ticking and tocking, i must interject that i love onomatopoeias.

roar

grunt

oink

plop

meow

scratch

bark

thump

um...sorry...i got distracted by sound words...

back to ticking and tocking and time and place.

we recently did the whole daylight saving time thing. you know...spring ahead. it will happen again in reverse in november. you got it...fall back. in the meantime, grass will grow, flowers will bloom, the sun will rise and set, there will be full and half and harvest moons, work will pick up then slow down then pick up again, you'll go on vacation, errands will be run and appointments attended, you'll celebrate your birthday and maybe an anniversary, there will be births and parties and weddings and funerals, you'll finish that book you started ages ago and maybe start another one, the car will break down, you'll miss the bus, you'll catch a cab, you'll take a nap...basically, it's about time...

you know, it's interesting...that phrase. it's about time. it's typically used as a preface or a conclusion, and always in relation to someone finally getting around to something or something finally happening. like, "well, it's about time you showed up." or, "he got a job. well, it's about time." when you hear the phrase "it's about time," it's almost always about the individual, but i propose we consider the expression in the context of what it actually suggests because it really is about time...and time is about space or place. there must be an avenue...there must be room...there must be a reason...and time will tell when it's time because there will be activity and a filled void or a journey begun...when the time is right...but it actually is about time.

we talk about moments in time and taking our time as if time is ours...and you know what? it is. but, we can't mistake the fact that we don't have all the time in the world, because we might only be able to lay claim to the nick of time.

the bible says "my times are in His Hand," a verse i have clung to while fighting leukemia, and it has made me realize that each day i have 24 hrs, or 1 440 minutes, or 86 400 seconds to manage my time and i have to make each hour, each minute, and each second count. meanwhile, i know God is watching the clock as the ultimate time keeper.

as of today, i am 269 days post bone marrow/stem cell transplant. while my days, hours, minutes, and seconds have included many bumps that still persist, i am certainly in a better state than i was when i first got sick in october 2012. thankfully my transplant worked and today i am leukemia free, thanks to science, medicine, and many prayers. each moment of my journey has been in God's loving Hand. the bible also says that God "saw me before i was born. every day of my life was recorded in Your book. every moment was lid out before a single day had passed." because of God's gift of time for my life, He has been aware of every moment...because they have been in His Hand.

it really is about time. there is a season for everything. there is a time and a place. and we can count on it, even if it's "one day at a time, sweet Jesus that's all i'm asking from You. give me the strength to do everyday what i have to do. yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine. so for my sake teach me to take one day at a time."

and one more biblical perspective from the book of ecclesiastes: "again i looked throughout the earth and saw that the swiftest person does not always win the race, nor the strongest man the battle, and that wise men are often poor, and skillful men are not necessarily famous; but it is all by chance, by happening to be at the right place at the right time."

it's about time...

thinking is wonder-full!!!

“think and wonder, wonder and think.”--dr. seuss


thinking is wonder-full! wonder breeds thought.
i wonder if wonder's innate or is taught?
i'm thinking the former and also the latter.
it depends on your teaching; it depends on your matter.
the two are intwined i'm inclined to suppose,
and i think you'll agree if you think on your toes.--tls :-)

in loving memory of jacqueline quinn--july 6th, 1966-august 12th, 2013

"if God sends you down a stony path, He will give you strong shoes."

in our own ways, we are all on a stony path of some sort today. i would like to extend my deepest sympathies to jackie's family and friends. laurence, david, betty, robert, antonella and your children, may the God of strength and peace sustain you. surround yourself with memories of jackie and feel her strength even in the face of deep loss. remember her sparkling eyes, her smile, her laughter, her sense of humor, her spirit.

i met jackie and some of her wonderful family and friends over the course of the last 8 months at the juravinski hospital and cancer centre. that's where our paths crossed. horrible circumstances brought us together, and while the pain of loss is great, i wouldn't have changed my own personal circumstances if that meant not meeting jackie on this journey. would i have changed the outcome? certainly, but i believe our meeting was one of those "meant to be" events on the road of life. our paths were meant to cross. after monday night, i realized that more than ever, as i believe she passed on her courage and spirit to me.

i know jackie in relation to the disease we shared. it was how we identified, but not how we defined ourselves. when few could understand the fears and frustrations of a horrible diagnosis, and even though our similar paths took us on different courses at times, we could relate and draw strength from each other. let me clarify...i drew strength from jackie. at times when i was scared or struggling, jackie was quick to offer support and encouraging words to keep fighting, even when her own path was especially rocky. i can remember how encouraging our couple of breakfast dates were. breakfast at the sunset grill never tasted so good as it did with a friend who could relate. we didn't pretend that the hurdles weren't great or scary, and it was an incredible source of strength for me to talk candidly to one who understood by experience. at the same time, we were both determined to not let our diagnosis get the best of us. while it stood to take a lot, it could not--and did not--take the best of jackie, because cancer is so limited. today we recognize that cancer wasn't beat in the way we prayed, but the irony is that jackie did in fact beat cancer. today she is free, and a diagnosis that took her from us can't shut out memories or silence courage.

 i can say without hesitation that jackie is my hero in the fight against leukemia as well as in terms of what it means to fight with a great spirit and attitude. she represents the ultimate in strength and courage in the face of great obstacles and challenges. to me it seemed like she took each hurdle in great stride and with a steadfastness that perhaps belied her own sense of urgency to just get that leg of the race behind her, but i don't believe for a second she was resigned to the direction her road seemed to be taking her. i believe that jackie tied her strong shoes tight everyday, prepared for any detour.

leukemia brought us together, and although it is what now separates us, it cannot sever the respect and admiration i have for her. jackie embodies a depth of character that i have never seen so graciously portrayed, despite her circumstances. when many would have given up, been bitter, or languished in self pity, jackie never played the martyr. 

when i say she is my hero, it's a supreme understatement because i don't think i could ever adequately convey what she has taught me about what it means to meet a road block head on and take a detour in stride...and with a smile. and, in terms of my own journey with leukemia, jackie was a great support, and her encouragement was a blessing. i remember the day i found out i needed a stem cell transplant. i went up to see jackie and she detected my fear and anxiety about the process. she wasn't feeling well herself that day but she sat up in the bed and said with a smile, "you can do this, teri-lyn. you can do this." so much of my own journey has been positively influenced by jackie's care, compassion, understanding, and strength. she has given me more reasons to journey on.

jackie has a special place in my heart and my own journey takes on a new meaning because i am sure to sense her genuine care and compassion every step of the way. i believe she will be my guardian angel, and i feel her strength. she has shown me what it means to fight with dignity and to bravely and courageously keep putting one foot in front of the other on the path of life, no matter how difficult.

tom jones said this, and i can hear jackie saying it: "let's not complain about why things don't work. let's see if we can come up with something that we can all get behind.” get behind each other in the days ahead. we can't begin to understand the forks in the road of jackie's journey, but we can get behind the person she was and all she represented.

thank you, jackie, for never giving up and for giving it all you had. you have blazed a trail of strength far beyond your days. my own journey has been made better because of you. i am honoured and privileged to know you in the capacity that i did, and while cancer has taken much, it has not taken away the person you were, the courageous battle you fought, and the exemplary way you travelled with unparalleled fortitude on your path. i put on your strong shoes on monday night as your spirit lingered and empowered. i will continue on my own journey with your strength as my inspiration and road map.

you are indeed my hero and now my guardian angel. i have big shoes to fill.

rest in peace, my dear friend and fellow fighter.

detour to cancer centre

sometimes our journey takes us on a path we didn't see coming...a detour on the road of life we never believed we would be faced with...and then there before us stands the detour that challenges every fibre of our being...

but a detour is not a destination; it's simply another way to get where we're going. it's defined as a roundabout or circuitous way or course, especially one used temporarily when the main route is closed. 

my main route has been closed since last october 17th, and while on this detour, i am still on my way...i'm just taking an alternative route once my road diverged in the wood and i set out on the one less travelled by...but i believe my detour is directed and not one step has been unseen. 

a light guides me. 

thankful.