ggt!!!--part 2

"God goes before me and He follows me" (ps. 139:5).

my life's journey took an unexpected but totally planned and not unguided turn on oct. 17 when a caring walk-in clinic doctor called at 6:33 pm and told me to get to the hospital. when my roommate got me to the hospital, literally just in time, she watched in shock as the er and triage nurses said i was coding and they needed to get me to the resuscitation room. the walk-in clinic doctor who said my hemoglobin was low had called it correctly only hours earlier. my hemoglobin level was at 40. a normal, healthy count starts at 120. no wonder i thought i needed a puffer. i was in fact suffocating to death--not because of my lungs, but because of my blood. my red blood cells, which carry oxygen to every part of the body, were so low that basically my body wasn't breathing. over the next 8 hours i would be admitted to the milton district hospital and would receive 4 units of blood, each taking about 2 hours to transfuse.

i was in the milton hospital for a little over 4 days--from wednesday to monday. during this time, i received more blood and platelet transfusions. at times my platelets--the blood clotting agents in the body--were as low as 8 and a normal count is well over a hundred. i also had tons of blood taken and tests run. you name it, they scanned it, rayed it, sounded it...heart, lungs, organs, head...everything kept coming back normal. the internal medicine doctor on my case told me a couple of days in that they were looking for something autoimmune, infectious, or blood borne. on saturday i was told about the possibility of a blood cancer, but not to worry because all of the other things they were looking for hadn't been ruled out. i didn't know yet, but the walk-in clinic doctor had actually mentioned to hollie what she thought it might be--she wouldn't be wrong...

because so much was being ruled out, the internist on my case--who was in communication with a hematologist at the next hospital i would be admitted to--said that a bone marrow test was scheduled for monday because this would give them more possibilities about what we were dealing with. monday came and just as the procedure was scheduled to take place, the internist came in my room and said that the hematologist he had been speaking to at the oakville trafalgar hospital wanted to do the test herself. this would mean a transfer as soon as a bed became available.

the next day i found out i would be going to oakville trafalgar hospital. the transfer took place at 11 am. i was admitted at noon and by 1:10 pm, dr. lee--the first hematologist on my case--came like a whirlwind into my room carrying the bone marrow test tray. this was how i met her...blazing in and all business...i was quite worked up about having the procedure done, and they did give me ativan and morphine, but dr. lee said we were racing against the clock and the test had to get done before the drugs would kick in. she had to get the samples quickly so that they could be sent to hamilton (to the hospital i would end up going to for my treatment), and this had to happen before 2 pm. other than the freezing that was administered, i was aware of EVERYTHING. there were 2 kinds of sensation--pressure and pain. the pressure was a pumping kind, like my hip bone was being drilled into, and while it didn't hurt, the feeling was nauseating. the pain sensation? well that was something else. everytime dr. lee told me to take a deep breath, there was a plunging and permeating pain in my hip. the procedure takes about 10 minutes. it was a long 10 minutes.

but i made it through it :-) the dr and nurses said i did wonderfully, but i think they were just being kind. dr. lee raced from the room with my samples and i was left to 'get comfortable.' yeah right. after a bone marrow test :-) anyway, apparently my samples made it to hamilton because i received my diagnosis at 7 pm that evening, october 23, 2012,. dr. lee came in with the news--acute myeloid leukemia.

i. have. cancer. it took a few minutes to sink in...

i have to tell you, though, it was a veritable relief when the diagnosis came, because now it had a name...it was something that could be prayed for and treated. the big question was answered and now we could move forward...

speaking of moving forward, my story will pick up in the next blog entry, but i will end with this: "God directs my steps, so why try to understand everything along the way" (pro. 20:24). this doesn't mean i can't ask God why, because believe me, i have. on the contrary, i think it means with the asking i must also be willing to trust that even though i don't fully understand, i can trust God to get me through the journey. do i 'get' it? not quite. do i understand? not entirely. but i'm starting to. my every step is being directed and though directionally challenged, my faith is not. i have peace in this process because i know this journey isn't a generic, one-size-fits-all journey. rather, my journey was designed with me and only me in mind. this time was designed specifically for me. "God made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb...God watched me as i was being formed...He saw me before i was born. every day of my life was recorded...every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" (ps. 139).

God knew this day would come--october 23, 2012--acute myeloid leukemia.

and i know God has got this!!!