ggt!!!--part 3

"my times are in God's hand" (ps. 31:15).

i wasn't at the oakville trafalgar hospital long. dr. lee said they were transferring me to the best cancer facility in the country--the juravinski cancer centre. this would take place the next day--october 24. i was admitted under the care of oncology hematologist dr. brian leber, and nurse practitioner alix duck. i spoke at length with alix--actually, she did most of the speaking :-) she told me that they were on my case and were going to take good care of me. she explained that they would need to run a few more tests on my organs and get my weight and height. this would determine the chemo dosage they would administer. she said they wanted to get things going in the next 24 hours or so...and they did. thursday night, 2 days after i was diagnosed, i began an aggressive 24/7 chemo treatment. i would receive a drug called daunorubicin for 30 minutes for 3 days and the drug cytarabine 24 hours a day for 7 days. this was the beginning of my induction therapy--the first 30 days of treatment and monitoring for infections. it was explained to me that i would be required to remain in hospital the entire time as they work to bring about remission because there are too many risks in leaving...

which was fine by me. already, i felt so safe and cared for in the hour i had been here. everyone on my case knew everything about it. they looked me in the eye when they spoke to me without having to awkwardly thumb through pages of tests and results to be able to talk to me about my cancer. their competency and confidence here is remarkable. their care and compassion and willingness to accommodate is almost unsettling when you're used to being fiercely independent. they answer the questions i can't think to ask. they are on top of every symptom and side effect. they go out of their way to make sure my comfort level is high no matter how low my condition is. because this centre is so focused on cancer treatment, everyone is doing just that...caring for cancer patients to the enth degree...each nurse typically has no more than 4 other patients during their shift so when needed, they can quickly come. my doctors are kind and certain. my nurse practitioner is in to see me a couple times a day, and actually works more directly with me than the doctors, and is so sure about what she's doing that i'm always put at ease when i've seen her. in short, this is an amazing centre...and i can't help but think about how God has directed my steps to this day..."the Lord is my shepherd; i have all i need. He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths" (ps. 23).

they use a garden analogy here at the jcc. basically, my garden was overrun with weeds which needed to be wiped out. leukemia is a a cancer of the white blood cells (also called neutrophils) which begins in the bone marrow where cells are made. white blood cells help the body fight germs and prevent infections and diseases and are part of the immune system. leukemia causes these cells to grow quickly and multiply out of control. additionally, these cells are not fully formed and are not able to do the work of mature white blood cells. the abnormal white blood cells build up in the bone marrow and spill over into the blood stream. in the blood, the abnormal white cells crowd out the normal cells. as a result, the blood does not contain enough healthy red blood cells and platelets. and this was exactly my problem. with my lack of red blood cells and platelets, and copious amount of unhealthy white blood cells, i had about 10 of the 13 symptoms of leukemia.

let me interject at this point to say that i haven't 'claimed' this disease. i believe that at any point i can be made well and whole...it could happen today...or perhaps i will have to go through the entire process. i don't know. i still believe that at any point God could heal me in the process, but it seems like He's healing me through the process. just because He happens to be using the brilliance and brains of doctors and medicine doesn't mean i'm not getting my miracle. in my last blog entry i referred to a verse that says God goes before me and He follows me. i believe He had already started on my garden before the first bag of chemo was hung, and i feel strongly that He's been in weeding and planting ever since. my miracle won't be any less of a miracle just because God decided to use the advancements of medicine and cancer treatment to bring it to pass.

so while my garden was growing uncontrollable weeds, for a few weeks prior and in staggered degrees of severity, i was experiencing the following symptoms: shortness of breath, fast heart beat, feeling tired, looking pale, generally feeling unwell, night sweats, fever, easy bruising, bleeding from nose and gums, bone pain. the only symptoms i hadn't displayed were weight loss, infections, and blood in stool (sorry, but this is real life now :-) ). i was a classic case of acute myeloid leukemia...except that i am a bit young to be getting it. aml typically affects adults above 40 years, and 1/3 are over 60 years of age. it's acute because it worsens quickly. what it is not is infectious, inherited, or caused by something i did or didn't do; the handbooks say there was no way i could have prevented getting it. in some ways, it was just meant to be...

and it was.

this time in my life is in God's hand. and He's leading and guiding all the way.

because He has got this.