the art of forgiveness

there's a place in fredericton i frequent called the green. it's on the banks of the st. john river, which runs through the city, dividing the north and the south sides. a few days ago, i happened to notice on the bench beside me a note from ron to patsy. you'll notice it says "forgive me," "come home," "i love you."

ron also adds, "i need you."

on my next visit to the green i sat on a different bench, finding a similar, roughly written note. remembering the one from the other day, i decided to investigate the other benches. what follows are a series of 4 more pictures from 4 other benches...take a look...

i don't know what ron has done, what mess and hurt and pain and distrust he has caused. i don't know if patsy has forgiven him. maybe some who know the story would say ron doesn't deserve forgiveness. maybe patsy hates him for what he did. and maybe ron hates himself doesn't even believe he deserves forgiveness. it's hard to say. i'm not so much interested in how ron and patsy got to this point, but i would be curious to know where they stand today. did patsy show mercy and forgive? maybe she's not there yet, because let's be honest, knowing you need to doesn't make it any easier. and what about has ron? has he forgiven himself?

juxtaposed with my all too poignant discovery of these notes was my reading of the shack this week--a brilliant book i got for my birthday from suzie-k. people like eugene peterson (the writer of the message bible translation) are saying "this book has the potential to do for our generation what john bunyan's pilgrim's progress did for his. it's that good!" i don't want to spoil your reading of it--and while there are some passages that are 'different' to swallow (you'll see what i mean when you read it)--the overall taste is very intellectually and spiritually palatable and pleasing. without taking away from the book, but adding to this entry, there is a passage that smacks of what this world needs and needs to do more of...which is to forgive and be forgiven...i've abbreviated the section for length, and so you can't discern entirely what's happening...

"to forgive [...] is [...] to release [...] forgiveness is not about forgetting [...] it's about letting go of another person's throat [...] 

so what then? i just forgive [...] and everything is okay, and we become buddies?" [...] 

forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver [...] to release you from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly [...] take on the nature that finds more power in love and forgiveness than hate [...] 

so forgiveness does not require me to pretend what he did never happened? [...] it feels like if i forgive this guy he gets off free. how do i excuse what he did? [...] 

forgiveness does not excuse anything [...] the last thing this man is, is free [...] what he did was terrible [...] and anger is the right response to something that is so wrong. but don't let the anger and pain and loss you feel prevent you from forgiving him and removing your hands from around his neck [...] you may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you realize that you have forgiven completely. and then one day you will pray for his wholeness and give him over to me so that my love will burn from his life every vestige of corruption [...]"

ron's notes on the park benches are pretty rough. they kind of speak to the mess that has no doubt been created by whatever he has done. but ron has asked for forgiveness. that doesn't always happen in this day and age. or, asking for forgiveness is abused by the one forgiven who turns around and does the same thing over and over again. it's impossible to say what side of the fence--or park bench--ron's on. and it's impossible to know if patsy has released him, thereby releasing herself from the hurt he has caused her. i'd like to think she has, but maybe she's not there yet...


forgiveness is a creative work that's often messy, but the end result is a work of art in my life. think of paint colours being mixed on a palette. or a lump of wet, grey clay that hasn't been molded. it's not art in the sense of what you'd see at the louvre, or the met, or the guggenheim. it's art in the sense of the beautiful release and possible redemption it creates. forgiveness creates an opportunity to let go and move on...there's no promise that the process itself is beautiful--it can be an agonizing and exhausting process actually--but the end result always is beautiful, especially when your aesthetic sense becomes one of emotional release instead of intellectual retention...in other words, when you make the decision to let it go instead of hang on to it.


art is defined as the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance. looked at from this vantage point, ron's asking for forgiveness looks like he produced an opportunity for patsy to forgive him. the reality is that the beautiful expression will ultimately come from patsy and be extended to ron. when i forgive the one who wrongs me, this is no ordinary significance, but is that quality of creation that allows me to put it out there and walk away free. the art of forgiveness is not the messy asking by the one who did the wrong. the art of forgiveness is that the forgiver just created a beautiful and appealing and no insignificant opportunity for freedom.


so...let it go. not because it didn't hurt, or because you are able to forget the details or the pain, or because you believe it won't happen again. let it go because you will begin to see differently. and watch the work of art that's wrought by releasing your strangle hold on that person and the pain in your past...


let it go.